da Spwing Fair, pt 3

Hello again, did effery have a good Thanksgiving?  Burrrrrrrrrrrrp, ummmmm ‘scuse me, still a bit full here, I do luff my turkit!

So anywho, now that that is done, let’s get back to the spring fair…Well now, the next event seems to be the six-legged race.  Let’s take a peek and see how that is going..

:::so anyway, Pepper takes the rope and ties two of hims legs tightly to shorty’s two legs and they stand there all strapped togedder waiting for the contest to start. Surely there will be some competitors think shorty and Pepper. To kill some time waiting, Pepper and Shorty decide to do a quick trial run so Pepper shouts “On You Mark!! Get Set!! Go!!” and off fly Shorty dragging Pepper and hims face is plowing up the earf!! “Halp!” screems Pepper all muffled in the dirt. Shorty run like the wind and don’t even notice that Pepper is not running but being dragged along like a limp rag behind her. She screeches to a halt at the finish line all huffing and puffing and beaming like a chesire cat thinking she must haff just set a personal best record for distance run!! Meanwhile, Poor pitiful, innocent Pepper is all dirty and look like something the cat just dragged in (very literally!!). Shorty turn and finally see Pepper and she think a little more practice in order so she help Pepper to hims feet and they drag themselves back to the starting line for a few more trial runs before the odders get here::::
—–
Pepper (one, fine, little dood)

When they get backto the starting line,they find Maria and Andre there, seems they have been checking effer ten minutes to see iffun other contestants gonna show up.

Maria, Andre, we bin dooin dat too….maybe we awl jus missin eachuffer…wanna wun a pwaktise wap wit us wile we waitin?
Oh Pepper kwit wineing bout da durt up yur nose, now bwush yurself off, yu wuuk a site…….
Sammywhee strolls up , wheeing that they had gotten sidetwacked by the baloon ride and the tatoo parlor.  Gonzo finally shows up and he and sammy prepare fur the race…


Sammywhee, you is runnink the 3 legged race wiff me and the horse race wiff miss chiff.

So strap your back leg to my back leg wiff this here rope and your fron leg to my front leg wiff this here rope and then lets go hang out at the starting line wiff Mijo and However Mijo is runnink wiff, and Pepper and shorty, and Maria and Andre.

Hmmm, these straps aint big enough to fir around the two of us. We toooo big! Well, we will just have to use mommy and daddy’s belts.

::::Gonzo adjusts the two belts on the front and back legs of the two and Team Coony is ready to role……:::::::

Gonzo and Sammywhee wait for the starting gun…… BOOOOMMMMM!!!!

And they are off! Gonzo and Sammywhee waddle around the track, appearing to be in last place…… But wait! I am wrong! Pepper and Shorty are a length behind them. It seems that Shorty is worn out from dragging Pepper in practice runs and Pepper is having to mouth breath because of all the dust and dirt shoved up his nose from shorty draggin him.

It is Maria and Andre right now in front by quite a distance, which is amazing with Andre’s disabilities. But Maria told him that she has a special surprise for him at the end of the race and Andre just loves surprises!

There are a few other teams in the middle and there are still 6 more laps around the track. This race is anyones…… Except for maybe Shorty and Pepper, but they are giving it the ole Meow chat COllege try so we will just have to wait and see…….

On the third lap, Shorty spots Munchie sittin in the bleachers rooting them all on and waves as she and Pepper go by.

Shorty an Pepper stwuggle awong in wast pwace, Shorty is muttering an hissspiting, dat dadgum Gonzo an Sammywhee, hows a kit sposed to wun an keep der pants on witawt a belt..akkkk Pepper is down, bwitches wound his ankuls, lavendar silk bwoomers xsposed fur awl da wurld to see. But Shorty pays no mind, hur eye fixt on Gonzo an Sammy…….Maria and Andre be rite behing Pupper and Sammy, but dey are getting furry tired. It seems dis race iss going on fur a long, long time! But they iss still young, so who knows…maybe…Well, all of a sudden GOnzo looks around and he and Sammy (who is now tied to him and in his pocket at the same time), must have pulled way ahead of everykit because there is no longer anykit in sight at all. GOnzo and sammy win the race and get a trophy and a dozen eggs and a package of moobits and a box of ritz crackers.

GOnzo heads off to the recipe tent because he thinks those three ingredients would make a fine appetizer. Dats wat yu tink big boy growls Shorty as she cumms up behind Gonzo a gwabs his tayul…Gonzo cums to a ded stop an suddenwy effuryting cums into focus onse again…he watches stunned as Shorty speeds by dwaggin a barely conshus Pepper who by now has totulwy wost his britches an whos silk lavendar bwoomers awr weady fur da wag bag…….:::well, so, but, anyway, Pepper (down to hims skivies), hims face dragging along in the dirt, feels like there must be more to this game than it appears at the moment. Him just hope that with any luck they will cross the finish line even if it in last place just for the mercy of it all being over with… soon. Him never gonna volunteer for this kind of race ever again, but that neither here nor there. Pepper just go limp and allow Shorty to drag him along and hims hope hims lavender boxer shorts stay intact….:::

And as every kit nears the finish line thinking that they have this race in the bag…..and not naming any names but Gonzo comes to mind……..
they don’t notice that Nicky and Harley…..the 6 legged race champions 3 years running….are sitting smugly in the winners chair nibbling on pretzels and guzzling catnip beer to beat the band. “What took you kits so long to finish this here race? We been here for days!” :::::::::Andre and Maria come in 65th, but beeing young and in love, Maria decides to give Andre his surprise anyway.

MOL, now I wunder just what that surprise was, meeheehee….moofing on, da next stop is da loudest meow and yodeling contest…and here is a report on that by Gonzo…

 

Henry….Simba…Travis….Tigger…Bob….Maddie….Ashum all purrrpare for the yoddelink contest.

Henri does a practice and breaks 2 water glasses. Simba does a practice and breaks one glass and one cereal bowl. Travis stuffs big cotton balls in his humungous ear holes and cracks one window. Maddie sings out a melodic tune and doesn’t go for volume, as much as tone and melody this year. She puts on a fine performance.

Ashum steps up to the platform and attempts his yodel. A high Maine coon squeek and chirp comes out and all the kits around laugh their tails off. Ashum starts to tear up a bit, and gonzo jumps in and claps his paws together wildly for his buddy ashum.

That was a fine comedic yodeling routine you did for the competition! we never ever had an entry like that! It is sure to win somefing for sure ashum! Encore Encore!!!!!!

Ashum wipes away his tears and gives out annother maine squeek and chirp and all the kits clap wildly for him as well. He steps down and gives gonzo a big mushy kiss between the ears for understanding.

Bob, a new comer to the competition goes up and gives it the ole college try. No kit knows what to expect.

Bob breaks 17 car windows, a set of beautiful china plates and gonzo’s life size ceramic white hephalum donated to the white hephalump auction.

::::tigger looks over at Bob:::::::;;

Quite a set of Pipes there you got Bob. Let me introduce myself to you. My name is Tigger and I run the safety siren business in town. Here is my business card. When there is a town emergency I have to climb the 700 foot radio tower behind the leaning tower of Pizza and put out a loud howl to alert all of the townspeople.

I am looking for an apprentice, being that I am getting up in years and I am not really fond of heights as well.

If you want a job give me a call.

Now step back and let a pro show you how it is done…….

:::::Tigger puts out a blood currdling howl and the fire departments and police departments and the marines from 5 villages surrounding send out crews because they hear the safety siren go off in the meow chat village and think for sure they are needed…….

Bob bows to Tigger and kisses her paws!!!

Okeedokee, beat that everykit
—–
Gonzo, Tigger, and Stumpy

Once hur ears stop winging an hur hearing weturns to sumwat normal, an awl da mergency vehicals haf been sent bak, Shorty cunsults wit Bandit offur da winner uf dis contest..Shorty steps up in fwont uf da cwoud, atenshun pwease,atenshun pwease,ATTENSHUN PWEASE..tank yu. Now, we had a hawrd time desiding, effury was ferry dood. We nawwoed it down to two,Tigger an Bob. Sinse dis is a amatoor contest an Tigger is a pwofresshunal we have desided to make Bob awr no.1 lowdest meower dis year. Concatulations Bob , take a bow. Tank yu awl fur pawticipating an bettur luuk nexks year..

(shorty do get a bit offishus sumtimes)

Next up ish da gurl kits loudest meows….

Up furst is Shorty, wit Pepper and seben kittlins, she has had plenty of practice,fur shure..

Shorty steps up fwont an center, memememe,yodoleehoooo,memememe..otay i weady now.

PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Da leefs fawl off da twees an da gwound shakes a bit…..Yu meowed deer,meows Pepper skreeching to a halt neckst to Shorty, hope I dint keep yu waiting..Next up is Meadow Catnip.:::::Meadow walks up and clears her throat. She looks for Beau and sees he is standing in the wings watching her and she smiles. One…two…deep breath…….three…….
Out comes the loudest MEEZER meow that any kit will ever hear. Beau falls bacwards on his keester from the sheer volume of that meow. He never knew Meadow had it in her. The other kits stand in awe of Meadow’s meezer meow:::::::Mamacita comes up next and looks at hur Titan. Hur meow iss a furry loud meezer meow, but doesn’t equal Meadow’s meow. Cita tells Meadow dat she really iss da queen ob meezer meows so far.

Bandit holds hiss paws ofur hiss ears an wonders if he will effur be able to hear again. Otay, Ladies, it wass close but the bloo ribbon goes to Shorty. In second place iss Meadow an third iss Mamacita. Bandit gifs the bloo ribbon an a gold water bowl to Shorty. You must haf a lot ob practice yelling at all you kits an dat hubbykit ob yurs. Concatulashuns. Bandit gifs Meadow the red ribbon fur second place. He also gifs hur a silver water bowl. Concatulashuns. It wass furry hard to decide between you an Shorty, but I fink she hass had more practice cause she broke the meter wen it went past screeeech! Then he calls up Mamacita an gifs hur a kiss onna cheek. Cita, you were sure out singed in dis competition. Here iss yur white ribbon an a bronze water bowl. Concatulashuns, little sisterkit.

MOL, that musta been one noisy bunch…my earholes is ringing an I wasn’t even there…

Okeedoke, that’s it fur today…

Till next time

Willow

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Da Spwing Fair , Part 2

::epper realizes too late that the $150.05 bid he placed yesserday was on the wrong lunch box!! ACK! He had bid on the lunch box decorated with the dandelions and come to find out, Shorty’s lunch box is the pink one with the lavender hearts and sprigs of lilacs on top. There are no bids on that one, yet. Pepper sheepishly go over and place a $200.01 bid on Shorty’s lunch box and he look around wondering who might this one with the dandelions belong to. Him surely hoping that it not belong to uggy CindeLu. Wouldn’t that just take the cake!? think Pepper to him ownself. Probably that lunch got rat tails and worms in there! ICK! But, too late now. Pepper done bid $150.05 on it and you can’t take back bids so time will tell. Pepper hope somebuddy else come along and bid reel high on that dandelion lunch pail:::::

Meeheehee, hi der.  You caught me reading ahead…I sure do wish I had been awound to meet sum of these kits…that Pepper and Shorty were a couple uf wild kits fur shure.  It’s nice to know dat I is welated to dem…anywho I found this fair schedule stuck in here, take a look…


Todas Effents:

YODELING/LOUDEST MEOW

Henry….Simba…Travis….Tigger…Bob….Maddie….Ashum

SIX WEGGED WACE

Gonzo-SammyWhee…Shorty-Pepper….Nicky-Harley….Andre-Maria

SHRIMP EATING CONTEST

Gonzo….Munchie….Quentin….Travis….Mijo….Daisy

BOX LUNCH AUKSHUN:

Lunches pwovided fur yur bidding by

Minnet…Poucette…Maria…Mammacita…Mischief…Dessie….L.G.

…Flika….Sunshine….StormyWeather….Natasha….Meadow….Mun

chie….Maddie….annonymous for Miss

GoldenEyes…..LynnLynn….Shorty

Also 10 lunches each donated by Moki Raindance an Thundercloud

place yur bids gentlemankits an dine wit da lady uf your choice

Also today HORSE WACE #1………..COOKING SHOWS BEGIN

an dont furget awl da wides an games affailable

HAFF FUN!!!!!!!!!!!

Sounds like lotsa fun, doesn’t it?

Anywho, moofing on shorty and the kitlins wander into the auction tent.  She sees Gus Noblekit putting a box on the table next to hers,  “Gus” , she meows, “you entering a lunchbox?”  “Yup, don’t meow to any , but I pwomised a big donation to the kittlens orphan home to make shure Shy gets it, too.

Shorty gwins, “don’t wurry  Gus .. Your secret is safe wit me.”  She wanders around a bit and spies Maria adding a big yellow bow to hur lunch box, a signal for Andre of course.  Den she notices da sad little lunch box with da dandylions on it, and no name.  Oh dear, she thinks, somebody is gonna be disappointed.  That box not gonna get a lot of bids.  She takes a quick look around and seeing nofurs paying attention slips a bid for two hundred gween papers into the bid box. As she starts to leave the tent, she hears a voice behind her…It otay, Shorty:
Dat box not sad…it be furry bootiful! And it holds a lot more dan you wud think! It’s my luffly Cinde’s boxlunch and I bid 500 greenpapers on it already! In fact I’m raising the bid against myownself and bidding 777 greenpapers!
Mijo

greyboy, sees Pepper worrying bout his bid on the dandylion box, Greyboy tells Pepper he doesn’t need to wurry about hiss Cinde’s box lunch. Greyboy goes ofur and bids 500 greenpapers on thr bootiful box lunch dat belongs to hiss soon to be wifeykit, Cinde. He thinks to himownself dat he better keep an eye on Pepper in case he decides to raise the bid.

Followed by,

::::Sammy wheesal waddles offur 2 da tabull an sees da lunchee box wif da dandwhee lions… (bunna’s luf dem) him poots a bid in fur hims cuzzinkit at 65 trillion catmint leefs::::
Dare dat shoolds do it!!! HHW….

Shorty is outside by now and spots gus sticking blue polka dots on the pink auction tent.  As she stands and watches him, she sees none other than,

Gonzo goes up to the lunch box table and takes off all of the ribbons and puts all of the foodies on the table.

He takes a little nibble of each thing to set the starting bids.

This lunch starts at $25.00

That lunch starts at $752.00

This one starts at 34 cents

That one starts at $37,000

GOnzo puts everything back into the lunch pails, except he doesn’t exactly remember what goes where and what ribbon goes with which lunchbox.

Everykit is gonna end up on lunch dates wiff every other kits spouses kind of like a swingers club, but their aint no way of fixing that now.

Gonzo puts the price tags on the boxes and heads off looking for some Tums..

Antares come in and look at all da purrty lunches — Hmmm he fink — my sniffer is just as good as my ears be and dis one here smell da nummiest. It not got the same color bow as what AnnieClaire said tho, but it still smell like da good stuffs she puts in lunches. So puttin all my gweenpapers on dis one!

Antares very carefully print in his best pawprintink his name on da sign up sheet.

Sammywhee sitting in a corner thinks to hisownself..

Everykit is gonna end up on lunch dates wiff every other kits spouses kind of like a swingers club, but their aint no way of fixing that now.
No madder Gonzo bonzo bean… whees aways makes enuffs foody fur effurwheekit… an asides, u meow whees awl whee~lated anyways…. hhw

Pepper wanders back into the tent wondering when the bids gonna be announced.  He looks again at the little dadylion box and decides to raise his bid to six hundred gween papers.

Shorty wandurs in to da box lunch tent to see how tings awr going. She piks up da bid box, hmmmmmmmmm pwetty wite, not many bids yet…pwenty uf kits awound an awl dese luffly lunches, doh der doo seem sumfing a bit diffwunt bout dem,oh well, as Pepper wood meow, dat neffur heer nor der….as she walks bak to da entwance, she notises a stwange, dawk kit in da bak korner, he seems a widdle familiur………….

and then…


but she is just a little afraid so she runs off and hides in a pickle barrel.

GOnzo wanders in and finds another vacant boof. He sees all of the lunch boxes, and well….. you can’t have enough lunches boxes he always says, and a lunch is a terrible thing to waste.

So he nibbles down one and he sees the last auction bid was 500 dollars on the lunch, so he pays $501. He is still hungry and well, like he says, a lunch is a terrible thing to waste so he actually ate 4 more. One that was last bid at $5000, one that was last bid at $7.00, one that was last bid at $8,994 and one that was last at $262.44. So he upped each bid by a penny and ate all of those lunches too. Within a short time he ate the remaining lunches and did the same thing with their bidding prices and by the end of the 30 minutes he had eaten 23 lunches and paid $847,383,272,000.45 right out of Pepper’s wallet.

Good thing nobody collected on Pepper’s bet at the horse race that he and Gonzo were going to win, because all of the money just went to the homeless kit orphanage.

GOnzo waddles off to the next event……….

Shorty pokes hur hed into da tent ware da schwimp eating contest will take pwace…she sees Bob an Daisy, forks at da weady, raring to go. Gonzo is offur in da korner doing deep nee bends an situps to wurk up an appetite, wike he needs to…but ware is Munchie, an Mijo,Quentin an Travis. Ders Munchi an Twavis in da bak korner kanoodlin…

Much as Shorty luffs schwimp she not gonna be in dis contest, she afwaid she badwy outcwassed by awl da champion eaters…..She sees Mijo sitting unner the shrimp table, nose acquiver in anticipation.  At last the bell rings an da contestants begin…

Wheelow, who iss standing in fur hiss Mischief while she iss at the horse race wif Sammy-Whee, watches as effurykit begins to eat the shrimpies. Each kit hass 100 shrimpies in front ob them. If they finish those they get 100 more and so on and so forth. Whee-low iss amazed at how much an how fast the kits are eating. He already haf to gif effurykit anofur 100 shrimpies.

Sammy watches frum the sidelines as the kits gobble down shrimp at record speed.  Gonzo sees Sammy nibbling Ritz crackers an meows not to fill up since Sammy has a lot of eggs to eat at the egg toss…Gonzo looks at his 29th shrimp and concedes the contest, he just doesn’t like his shrimps without sauce and he don’t got none.  Offur at the next table, Munchi starts slowing down,  Maybe I shouldn’t have had all those shrimp for lunch just before the contest , she thinks to herownself.

:: Tita comes runnin ober to da schwimpie eeting contest and notices dat da Muncher not consuming too much rite now… Well, dis be my golden opurrtunity, hur finks to hurownself. Since she not had anyfing to eet since early dis morning, she digs in wiff gusto! Munchie wooks up and catches site of widdle Tita awwmost inhaling dose schwimp. She be so surpwized hur just about drop da jumbo shwimp hur haff in hur mouf! Geez, I can’t wet hur beet me, what am I gonna do? Meenwhile, Tita’s count goes higher and higher….. Quentin in the corner, having practiced for days by eating Stars food, continues eating at a good clip. Daisy notices that a lot of the kits are starting to turn red.  At this point Quentin and Mijo are neck and neck for the win, tied at 13,000 shrimp each..they have put Munchie and Gonzo two champion eaters to shame.

Yikes!!!!!! Now Tita is neck and neck and neck wiff Mijo and quentin!

You blink for one second and all of a sudden other kits have joined the race and are winnink!

Well, they are now up to 15,000 shrimps and this looks like it will be going for awhile…..

Bob is right though about them starting to turn orange, and I am more than a little concerned……

Bob, prep yourself, today might be the first day you and tigger go up the tower and set off the safety siren. These three are resembling Navel oranges wiff four legs and I am starting to think we might have a little problem……

gonzo

Bob glances offur at his sisfur , Daisy, whose luffly white furs are now a deep pink, she looks kind of like a furry flamingo.  Now Quentin begins to slow down, he is beginning to look like a pink, black and white calico.  He fears he will fall offur and haff to be rolled out.  Maybe I’ll do better at mouse catching he muses to hisownself.

Judge Mischief, yu tink maybe we bettur haff an ambulance or two standing by, wunner iffun Dr. MaxiRose is nearby…..dis be sum serious eating…..meehee ,

Twafis, da Official Sponsor for Munchie in dis contest sees hims serbices *may* be needed. He stands by Munchie and pats her brow an whiskas an ruff wif a wet wittle towel from time to time. He pats her back an her paws. Pace yourself, Lady. Remember, slow an steady wins da race. Let dem come out eatin tousands of schrimpies right from da start. You take it nice an slow an be consistant ~ dat will win dis contest fur you. You know an *I* know dat no kitt can eat the Num Nums like YOU can.

:::Twafis sits next to hims Miss Golden Eyes an stays ready to assist in any way. He *knows* she can be da weiner in dis one. He *juss* knows it.:::

Rootin for Munchie,
Twafis Davis

At dis point, daisy gets hur second wind and picks up the pace again..man dis a tight race, fur shure.

Whee-low looks at the kits dat are still eating. He wishes dat horse race wud get ofur so Mischief cud come an see wot iss going on. Not only iss effury turnung pink, but dere legs are getting longer an dere moufs wook almost wike beaks. If dey grow wings dey will surely wook more wike flamingos dan kits. Oh my, Oh my!

Whee=low rubs hiss eyes an wooks around. Did him fall asweep at hiss dooties or iss da kits reely turning into flamingos? An if dey are will dey turn back to kits wen they quit eating da shrimpies. DEre only be Quentin, Munchie, Mijo and Lilly left.

OK, dats it fur today, Timmy and the girls will be home soon.  Till next time

Willow


Da Spwing Fair, 2003

Hello again!  Well, now, I came akross Gramma Shortys diaries the other day and I found some gweat stuff in there….This little tale is about the Spwing Fair uf 2003.  Wowsers, I shure wish I could haff been there, it sounds like a whole lotta fun…but I gonna let you judge fur yurownselfs…

comin awt uf da mousecatching tent, Shorty an da kittlins wander on down da stweet. It such a bootiful day. Da sun be shining, da burds singin, da bees buzzy, a warm an wazy affernoon…….
dey cums to a big purple tent, Da Lavendar Gypsy, fortunes towld.
Hmmmmm, dis wuuks interwesting, Shorty tinks. She giffs da childwun sum gweenpapers to go on da mary-go-wound an steps inside……..
A widdle water, she cums awt an wuuks wound fur da kittlins…….der dey awr offur at da Ferris Wheel waitin der twurn. Dey such dood kits, ornery but dood she tinks wit a smile. But den wit me an Pepper fur pawrents dey cums by dat orneryness honestwy. Gwansing awound she spies a small boof akwoss da stweet… Hmmmmmmmmm, I donts tink I nose dat kit, maybe sumone noo in da village. She stwolls offur to meow hewwo…wy Daisy, I dint wekognize yu fwum kwoss da stweet…tings seem kinda swo here..I bet da kitlins wood wike dis contest..an Shorty sines dem up fur da Purring Contest..

Da childwun haff finised der wide an da widdle gwoup moofs on….At da moosik boof, Shorty stops to make a wekwest. Poucette, wood yu pway my fafowit song, Kitten on da Keys…….

den on down da stweet dey wander………. to da Lavendar Gypsys Fortune Telling booth

::well, so, but, anyway, when Shorty comes into the lavender gypsy fortune teller kit’s tent, Pepper is pleasantly surprised that Shorty does not recognize her own hubbykit. He didn’t realize that Shorty did not know up until this time that he also “worked” at fortune telling. Anyway, he tells her to sit down please at the little card table and he sits across from her and draws the magic eight ball close to hims chest. He peers inside and while doing so, hims eyes get sleepy and hims hum a little mantra to get him ownself in the fortune-telling mood. And, then he begins……:::

Hmmmmmm, Hmmmmmm, Hmmmmmm, it says here in my trusty, yet reliable, magic eight ball that you iz a very sweet and lovely kit, Miss…. what is your name again, Miss? Oh yes. Miss Shorty. It says that you iz married to a wonderful, handsome, generous, brillant, intelligent, kind, good-looking, kit named … um, something that starts with the letter ‘P’. It says here that you and this “P” fellowkit haff tons and tons of great little childrenkits and that they is just like they daddee in every way. It says that there are many more childrenkits yet to come in your lifes. You will have a big fambly. Maybe even make the Guiness World Record book for most kittens had by two cats. But, that neither here nor there. It says that you iz bound to be a healthy and spry cat all of your whole long life. It says that youse lucky colors is lavender and pink. It says that youse lucky numbers iz 0 and 00. It says that other kits look to you for your common sensical advice. It says that you iz very popular, but youse hubbykit is very handsome and koot. It says that you should not beat him with youse parasol. It says that you should give him hugs and kisses 100X a day and make him lots of hims favorite foods. It says you iz reel lucky to have found this kit what name begins with the letter “P”. Well that it Miss… what you name again?? Oh yes!! Miss Shooty. That will be $25.00. If you want more fortune, you got to pay more. Well, nice chatting with you. You can see you ownself out. Bye!!!

:::and with that, Shorty leafs the gypsy fortune teller kit’s tent and meanders around in a daze looking for her beloved hubbykit, Pepper, and those kittens what be scattered all over the village. Later, then. Love, Ppper
—–
Pepper (one, fine, little dood)

Shorty passes Gramma Munchie on hur way in to get her fortune told as she leaves the tent, and dicides to stick around and listen…she spies Gonzo heading into the tent behind Munchie and hears a loud ooooooooooooooomf, as he plops hisownself on Munchies lap.   At last she hears voices..

Shorty watches as Gonzo an Munchie leave the meowing together.  They are busy discussing what kind of pwesents they should get for Poki, since he is the only kit they can think of whose name starts with P…and then another kit slips into the tent…none offur then Travis.

::well, so, but, anyway, alla sudden the lavender gypsy fortune teller kit got more bizness that hims can handle. First in the tent is Travis and Pepper motions for him to haff a seat while Pepper gets in the mood. Him hum to himself and allow hims eyes to close half-way. He begin…:::

Hmmmmmm, Hmmmm, Hmmmmm, Ummmmm, it says here that you iz one very fine dood, Travis. It says that you haff much potential and will go far in your life; which will be mighty long, btw. It says that you haff had some hard time physically in the past but those days are now over and you can count on being well for a great long while. Or was that youse brudderkit, Rexy? No matter. You both gonna be fine now and have good lifes ahead of yous. It says here that you iz very fond of a lovely ladykit whose name begin with the letter “M”. Do you know her, Travis?? Her reel nice and she gots a kind and lovely and intelligent and handsome and generous and koot sonkit, btw, but that neither here nor there. It says that youse lucky colors are taupe and forest green and wedgewood bloo and beige. It says that youse lucky numbers are 52. That it. One lucky number of 52. It says that you should consider going into finance as you haff a reel head for numbers and mathematics. Well, that it, Travis. Off you go now. That will be five bucks please. Next!!!:::
—–
Pepper (one, fine, little dood)

followed by…

::in walks purty, sweet Maria of whom Pepper does not know so well. Pepper asks her right off the bat iffn she is engaged, married, or otherwise attach. Maria suggests that she is very fond of a kit named “Andre”. Pepper eyebools open very wide because him know of Andre and didn’t know that somebuddy was harboring a crush on hims. Him a reel nice kit, but that neither here nor there. Pepper peer into hims magic eight ball and begin Maria’s fortune…:::

I see here in this magic eight ball that youse is a lovely gurlkit with many many good friends. They treasure you for your sincere and loyal personality. You a very honest and trustworthy kit and tell it like it is. You like to travel ~ to other rooms. You find comfort in simple things. You lucky colors is yellow and pale bloo. You lucky numbers is 8 and 80. You like warmth and sunshine. You iz not a night owl. You think best in the daylight hours. You are very creative and could be a bestselling authorkit if you put you mind to it. That all for now, Miss Maria. I hope that you and Andre can develop your budding relationship and find a future togedder.:::

::with that, Pepper sees Maria to the door and when hims closes it after she gone, him sit down and write a short note to hims good friend, Andre. The note says this: “dEr ANdRE. It MI, PoivRE. CaLL a One MIss mAriA NobLeCat. SHe Lik U verY mUcH.” and Pepper rushes to the post office to mail the note to Andre.:::
—–
Pepper (one, fine, little dood)

She sees Ashley and Nicky Catnip coming her way and thinks this might be a dood time to leave.  As she passes by them she hears them wunnering iffun the Lavandar Gypsy can tell them which horsie is gonna win the second race…

Shorty an da kittlins wandur on down da lane luuking at da boofs an xhibits awong da way…Tessie yanks on Shortys skirt, mommy, mommy wuuk,wuuk, dar be a mouse catching contest, mommy, mommy, can we, pweese mommy, can we, huh, mooooooooommmmmmmy!

Awwite Shorty meows wets go chek it awt…inside da tent awl is kwiet…wets see, otay heer is da sineup sheet, yesh a few names aweady,Mummy Munchie, Quentin, GonzoBonzo, an unkle SammyWhee,otay kits put yur pawpwints heer too. Meehee, shood we put daddys name on da wist,meehee…..

maybe we shood stwart a pool on wefur or not Pepper gonna surfife dis fare……MOL..

Stormy Weather comes into the mouse catching tent. She meows wif Shorty about signing up fur the contest. she used to haf to catch mice an lizzards to eat so she wudn’t starf before she went to hur foreber home wif the Texcats. She a pretty good mouser too as the mousies in Texcat are furry small. Shorty meows hut into signing up fur the mouse catching contest. Stormy says dat Shorty iss the furstest furriend she hass made in da billage cause hur iss a feral kit and afraid ob eberyting.

Well Stormy, dat a luffly ting fur yu to meow, but doodness der nuffink in da village to be fwaid uf, it be da best pwace on earf…yu gonna make wots uf fwends weel soon…meehee,


::::::gonzo sneaks quietly up on Stormy Weather, so as not to startle her and then he trips on the furs between his toes and knocks over a whole exhibition of antique teacups of Muffins that all go crashink to the ground. Stormy goes flyink up into the air and hangs by all four feets with her clawsies attached to the ceilink!::::::

Mehehehehe, sorry Stormy weather! memehehe. Jump down, I will catch you.

::::::Stormy reluctantly lets go of one paw at a time and lets GOnzo catch her. Right at that moment Gonzo sneezes and turns his head and Stormy drops right on top of him knocking him over splat.::::::::

Stormy starts shaking (convulsing more like) and Gonzo attemps to calm her down.

Sorry stormy, boy bad luck for you kind of works like when it rains it pours. memehehehe . Get it? rainink, pourink, and Stormy Weather! memehehehe I cwack myself up sometimes!

Well, I camed over cuz I wanted to formerly introduce myself to you and offer to be one of you best new friends in the whole wide world. I am friends wiff GusGus and he can be a good reference for me. SOrry for scarink you. I hopes you will be my new friend.

::::gonzo hands stormy some moobits and a fake furry mouse to practice with:::::::::

Maybe since you are a kit wiff experience you can teach me how to catch a real live mousee. I used to have toy mousees but I do not have them no more. I am deathly afraid of the mousees cuz a mousee on a string attacked me when I was a kittun and mommy had to remoof them all from da house. I am good at catchink lizards and bugs and my brudder stumpy, so maybe I can do it…..but I am very very afraid. maybe we can get some courage togeddur.

gonzo

Bob Que is the next to sign up, he is one uf da fastest moofing kits in the village fur shure!  Munchie peeks in to see wat all da commotion is, then decides to go take a nap instead…all dat fair foodies has hur just too full to run.  As she turns to leave,  ::Twafis puts hims paws around Munchies tiny wittle waist once more an giffs her da moss romantical AbbySillyian kiss he can. He holds her an stares into her Golden Eyes wif hims handsome face ~ purring fur her:::

Munchie ~ I is da worlds bestest mousie catcher. I is. I got da huntin expeedition skills down to a syunce. Wanna team up wif me for dis one?

RexyRex: I a betterer hunter dan you any day of da week, Twafis. I ain’t a SomaliSaurus REX fur nuffink!

LynnLynn: Why don’ you boys go an pway wif your toys? Leave da huntin expeeditions to us pros ~ da Ladies. I’ll beat da britchess off you wif 2 paws tied behind my back any ol day.

Ready for da mousies,
Twafis, RexyRex a LynnLynn

Zade walks up just in time to hear all the bragging…Well I not know if purrfesionals be allowed in dis contest, but where do you fink da mousies come frum fur da mouse sausage pizza????

You fink I buy dat from some old butcher shop??? I fink not!!!

::: signing up::::

Zade

memehehehe Zade! I gets my mice from Jack and Sebastians Pet store next to the mice cweem shop. I neffur thought of how much money I could save iffin I was not so afraid of micees and caught them myownself.

Gonzo

I haven’t had much practice catching real mice since I’m indoors, but I can attack beauvarts with a vengeance! I also get a lot of practice chasing Star around, so I should do OK in this contest.
Quentin

Hay, Gonzo Bonzo!
I get my mousies an ratties frum dat Jack an Sabastian’s pet shop too! I don’t haf time, wif my baking an being a hubbykit to my Shy, to do frivolous things like go mousie hunting!
GusGus

::::Sammywheesal comes waddle ing up dwaggin a HOOGE stuffed mousie

Hey effurwhee!!! Looky wat mhee Anastasia cawt!!! Duz dis count??? Whees eefun gots peeksoors of hurs “catsin” it… HHW

::: Sammy pools owt a speshul PURPULL wibbon owtsa hims pocket an asky shortstuffs iffin hims an Natasha’s kiddens coold purrwhees win dis wibbon (not da REAL one) cuz him lufs hims familwhee soooo muches, an its woolds makes dem soooo happpwhee::::

Wow, all dis meowing bout bobs an such is makin me hungry.  Think I’m gonna head on out fur now..see ya next time.

Willow.

Happy Hollydays, Furball Style

Hi der, seems like a long time, no meow.  But here I is and I got some more tayuls fur you!  So, let’s get dis show on da road…..

 

“If laughter is the best medicine, then a kitten is the purr-fect prescription. A kitten’s antics will make you smile, help you forget your worries, and bring happiness to your day.”

Now ain’t dat da twoof!  And us older kits aren’t ‘sactly slouches in those departments either.  Thanks fur those meows of wisdom, gramma Pou.  A wise kit you are.  Gramma Poucette is also furry musically inclined.  She teaches the kitlins to play all kids of instruments, having taken offur the job from great gramma Minnette.  And she plays at all the weddinks.  In hur younger days she worked on the Village newspaper, had hur own column effun, called Poucettes Purrings!  Yup, a furry talented ladykit is my gramma Pou.

_____________________________________________________

Meowing bout news, got a bit uf happy ending real world news to tell ya.   Da Catnip famblys mom runs da A Home At Last cat rescue up in Lawn Guyland, (Long Island) , Mew York, with a couple of friends.  Now dey go out trapping feral kits and where possible, taming dem down and finding dem homes.  Or if not tameable, then spay/neuter/release.  Anywho, a couple days ago dey found a young kit up in a tree.  It was there for three days, and they called and they called and they called all kinds of folk to try to get dem to help them get the kitten down, with no luck but bad.  Finally they found a tree company dat agreed to come to the rescue.  The kittlin is down and being cared for by da ladies.  And we think dat  dose fellas at Tim-A-Tree in East North Point Lawn Guyland deserve a big round uf  appawse! (applause).  Well done Tim Sr. and Tim Jr. !

______________________________________________________

Remember when Goalie NYC went to the bridge shortly before kitmas?  Goalie was an only kit and hur mom, Aunty Faye was left kitless.  Such a sad thing for the hollydays.  Now of course MCV is a place for animals, so what were all the furs to do?  They all loved Aunty Faye and didn’t want to lose hur.  Well a meeting was called and a vote was taken.  All the furries contributed their extra furs to donate to her so she wouldn’t feel out of place, and that is how Aunty Faye became the furst fishtail, (official, from the wheespeek dialect), don’t ask, human kit with full village privileges.  There is one other human kit in the Village, Unka John.  When he retired to Hawaii he sadly gave his beluffed Tita to another village family, rather than put her through the rigors of the long trip and very long quarantine.

 

Some prime examples of Calicotude!  Remember when Meadow Catnip went to the vet for a skin problem?  The vet took skin scrapings from Meadows face and she repaid him with a good chomp!  And when a vet tech got out the needles to draw blood from Narcissa NY, Narcissa in return, got out hur toofurs and claws.  That one ended Narcissa 1 , vet tech 0!  Meeheehee, no shortage uf red lions on da village kits charts!

A bit more bout Miss Narcissa.  She was a holy terror fur sure!  Her human family fostered da babykits what had to be bottle-raised, and Miss Narcissa was in charge of teaching them to hunt.  She was very good at the job.  She was a very smart and clever kit, too.  Doors in hur house had to be kept locked.  She knew how to open them and on occasion, finding one not locked, she would open it and let hurownself into the Out!

 

Remember when Sandy Paws’ heart attacked him and he ended up in da MCV Horspittal and couldn’t make his Kitmas deliveries?  Perseus, Sirius and the gang borrowed Sammys teleporter, did a bit of tinkering and delivered the presents for him.   They also hoped it would put Pepper back together after his disastrous teleporter trip.  The one where there was a malfunction and Pepper ended up in a gazzillion pieces.  Now, one Pepper is hard nuff to deal with, but hundreds of them, shuddering at the thought.  Eventually Pepper was able to gather up all his “twins”, roll them into a big ball and swallow it.  Problem solved.

 

Now not all da kits in the village celebrate Kitmas, some celebrate Chanukah.  Among them are Grampa Nortee and South Flawida Sam.  They decided to have a Chanukah party and invited all the other villagers to come on down and join them for a few days of fun in the sun.  All offur da village furs were dragging out swim suits and summer clothes to pack in their bags and heading off to south Flawida. Good food and fun in the sun, what more could a furry ask .  Did I mention good food?  The furs begin to arrive, Dr. Maxie Rose brings her pawmade appulsauce to go with da latkes.  Da Whees arrive with kitmas matzoh ball shoup,  your guess is as good as mine, food coloring maybe.  Sam and Nortee been doing lots of cooking, too, and there is nuff food to feed an army.  But da way these furs eat, yu need nuff to feed an army.  Shorty and Pepper arrive wit the kittlins. While Shorty heads to the kitchen to help out and the kittlins go out to play, Pepper flops in front of the tv.  Gramma Munchie, also known as the Munchinator, makes her way through the buffay,( buffet).  Shorty is invited to park her parasol in the umbrella stand, where she is assured it will be quite safe, and a whole lot safer for the rest of us, several are thinking.  

The party proceeds, everyone is having a wonderful time, eating, swimming, snoozing in the sun, eating.  And then, Shorty calls out,  “Pepper, Pepper you better come, I don’t feel so good.”  Shorty looks around for a nice quiet place.  There she thinks, behind the couch.  Pepper, out in the pool practicing his butterfly stroke for the summer Olympkits, hears her and comes running.  He finds her behind the couch.  “Akkkkkkkkkkkkkk,” he screeches, seeing her huffing and puffing and panting in distress.   “Shorty is in labor! Our twins are coming!”  He sees that it is too  late to get Shorty to the horspittal and calls for Dr. Maxierose to assist.  Having calmed a bit, Pepper starts to think, never a good thing. ” Too bad she couldn’t have waited for Mew Years,”he muses.  ” But, then they are not here yet.  Maybe she can keep dis labor thing going anuffur fifty hours or so.  Then they could be the Mew Years babys we been searching for.”

Gonzo, overhearing Pepper, meows, “That’s it Shory, hold dem in till Mew Years.  Or  maybe we can use da teleporter to transport  us ahead.”  After these meows of encouragement, Gonzo turns to the others, Shorty has quite an audience by now, and tells them how since Pepper and Shorty are tired of coming up with names for all his brofurs and sisfurs, this time he got to name them.  And he had decided  their names would be Achoo and Blessyu.  He really wanted to call one of them Gesundheit, but he couldn’t figure out how to spell it.

Meanwhile, back behind the couch, Shorty continues to puff and pant, feeling pretty bad by now, when suddenly she lets out a loud burp. And efferything comes to a halt.  She gets up and heads for the buffay asking, “What’s fur dessert?  I hope there is some of that honey cake left.”

“On, no you don’t, Shorty.  Your not getting out of this!” Pepper meows , as he drags her back behind the couch.  Seeing this, Grampa Nortee pulls Pepper away from her, smacking him upside the head.  “There is not gonna be any violence at MY Chanukah party!”

Pepper goes off to a corner to sulk.  He dabs at his eyes with his little blue hankie, the one with the snowmankits on it and the tatting around the edge.  “What bout gettin in all the noospapers fur hafing the first kittlins of the Mew Year? What bout going on Jay Lenokit and that David Lettermankits shows with da twins? What bout all the stores sending kittylitter and toys for the first five years.  What bout dat, huh?”  Pepper is as depressed as a bunch of sardines without a can, whateffur dat means.  “Der gots to be a way!”

 

Remember Madam Altos Cathouse?  No, not that kind of cathouse, shame on you!  Madam Altos Cathouse was a website, sadly lost, created by the very talented human mom of one of the villagers, Captain Video, CV for short.  CV is the village batchelorkit, having managed to evade meowraige even though he has charmed many a village cutie.  Madam Alto created adventures starring many of the villagers, in pictures and words.  Effery was always happy to have a part in one of these escapades.  Ya nose, we actually have a surprising amount of talent in the village moms, in a number of areas, ranging from crafters right on up to science whizzes…yu name it and we probably got it.

 

Remember Poucettes goggie song?


WINTER WONDERLAND

Dog tags ring, are ya listenin’?
In the lane, the snow is glistenin’.
It’s yellow not white,
I’ve been there tonite,
Markin’ up my winter wonderland.

Smell that tree? That’s my fragrance.
It’s a sign for wand’rin’ vagrants;
“Avoid where I pee,
It’s my property
Marked up as my winter wonderland.”

In the meadow Dad will build a snowman,
Following the classical design.
Then I’ll lift my leg and let it go, man,
So all the world will know that it is mine!

Straight from me to the fencepost,
Flows my natural incense boast-
“Stay off of my turf,
This small piece of earth,
I marked it as my winter wonderland!”

Dis be some of da village talent…these were created by Sammywhees mom!

                                                                                       

Okeedoke, dat’s it fur now…jusht saw my bedtime snack runnin by!

Willow

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