The Weddink That Wasn’t and Other Tayuls

Lookin up,  Oh hi there.  Glad you could stop by.  Didn’t see you at first, I been busy watching those crazy humans.  Membur awhile back I meowed about our new fambly memburs, the baby chigguns?  Well let me tell you.  Those crazy humans been building them a Chicklet Palace, (chicken coop) for the uniformed.  Most uf da work got done in the workshop, but now they carried the pieces to the pen and  are putting it together.  Well, actually, Aunty Fritters been doing most uf da work.  Mommy just help out here and there and stupervised, (supervised).  She does luff to kibbutz.  Anywho, its almost all together, just gotta add the nest box and paint it.  But that’s nuff bout them, we here to meow bout the impawtant stuff, us cats.

Now where did I leave off? Oh, yeah, I was meowing about famblys..Oh, I know , I gonna meow to you da story uf da weddink that wasn’t.  One day it occurred to Pepper that he had never meowried Gonzo. He had dopted him as his sonkit, but they never meowried, and Pepper didn’t want him to feel slighted.  Well, Pepper proposed.  Gonzo told him, not unless you also meowry my brofur, Willy, to whom I am joined at the tayul.  Now this raised some questions with some of the villagers about whether or not it was time to call the kits in the white coats to come get Pepper again.  After all, Gonzo was Peppers very own dopted sonkit.  What could he be thinking!  Gramma Munchie even tried a bit uf reverse sick-ology (physcology), and insisted the the weddink take place.  Effery knows a kit is gonna do just the opposite uf what you want them to do.  It’s one uf da rules! Didn’t work.   Sammywhee,who is also meowried to Pepper, hears the news and asks Pepper iffun that means he can also meowry Peppers wifeykit, Shorty, and Ashum  Meowzers volunteers to be bestmankit.  Meanwhile the other villagers are meowing this situmashun (situation) offur , and to quote Nikki Snowta, “No wonder there no abailable guykits left inna Village!  They all gettin married to each other, and their own sonkits, and dadkits!”  Nikki  shakes her head again, mebbe from the thought of Pepper and Gonzo gettin married..or mebbe it’s just earmites.”   Thank you fur the use of those profound meows Miss Snowta.   Anywho, in the end, the engagement of Gonzilly (Gonzo and Willy)  and  PepshortSammWhee,  (Pepper, Shorty, Sammy, and Chloewhee, who wanted to be included since she was seeing Willy), was on.  And the  tayul continued to spread through the village.   One kit effun suggested they call Jerry Springerkit to see iffun they could get meowried on his show.  Or purrhaps Fox would pick it up for a realty show.  But then!

One morning when the house was empty, Pepper went to his closet and got out his Lavenderkit Gypsy Fortunetellers costume and puts it on.  Then he gets out the Magic 8 Ball and sits down at the kitchen table.   He asks the magic 8 ball a question or two and notices it is  changing colors and sparkling.  He decides maybe he better listen to what it is trying to tell him..The moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter is aligned with Mars ,  it tells him.  This is not the time for a group weddink.  Big trouble is ahead if six or more meowry in the same ceremony.   Well this was all Pepper needed to hear.  He ran to the hellophone and began calling effery to tell them the weddink was postponed.

Now strange as it may seem, when Pepper picked up the phone to call Gonzilly, before he even had a chance to dial, Gonzo was hysterically meowing at him about the strange dream he and Willy had had the night before.  “We can’t get meowried!” he says.  “Something terrible will happen , we will go bald!” he says…”I don’t know why we had this dream, maybe its the Power uf 2!  But the weddink is off.”

And dat my friends is the tayul uf the weddink that wasn’t..and folks think I’m looney toons.  I fink I’m a pretty tame kit compared to my ancestors, and iffun I do on occasion go off da deep end, guess I come by it naturally.  Lookin at clock, okeedoke, think we gots time for one more story.  Hmmmmmm, oh I know,  the one about the time Franci set the meowchat room on fire.  Not to worry, you know Aunty Abymom has the parmedikits and the fire dept on speed dial.

One night in meowchat, Franci and Tarrigo had been up to something and made one of their usual messes in the room.  Aunty Aby was not pleased and ordered them to clean up.  Now Franci had just gotten a new swiffer, so she decided to get it out.  Then she tried to plug it into the ‘lectric socket.  Franci could be pretty dumb at times.  Well, she managed to short out the ‘lectric and the room caught fire.   Meow about a panic!  Well, Tarrigo to the rescue.  He runs to the closet, you can’t believe how much stuff is stored in that closet, think Fibber McGee, and grabs the fire hose.  He hauls it out and hooks it up and a bunch uf kits grab hold.  They spray and spray and spray till effery last flame is out.  But now they have another problem.  The room is flooded.  What to do, what to do?    I know, Franci and Tarrigo meow and meroof (how cats and dogs communicate), its furry cold outside. Iffun we open the windows the water will freeze.  And that is what they did.  Once the floor froze, effery got out their skates and ended the night with a skating party     Ok, just one more.

Shorty’s Kitmas Dream

Supper ish offur an da kitlins are in bed.  Pepper is sitting in front of da tv.  Shorty curls up in hur faforite chair by da fire with a good book.  The wind is getting stronger.  She looks out the window, watching the snow fall.  The flakes are swirling in the wind.  It’s the first storm of the season she thinks, and looks like its gonna be a whopper.  Maybe we will have a white Kitmas.  Shorty snuggles deeper into her chair and begins to read again.  Her eyes get heavy and soon she is sound asleep.  And then, “Doodness, wats dat?” she meows.  ” It sounds wike shlay bells!  And my paws awr furry cold.”  Then she realizes she is standin in snow.  She looks around and sees a small house, smoke drifting from the chimbly.   The windows are ablaze with light.  She hurries over and knocks on the door  “Come on in , Shorty. It’s bout time you got here.  We gotta a lot of wurk to do.  Sit down there and get started.”   “Is that really you, Sandy Paws?”  she asks as she look at the jolly white cat in the red suit standing in front of her.

“Now who else would I be?” he replies.  “Now get busy.  There is lots to do tonight.”

Shorty goes over to the table filled with toys.  There are boats and planes, bikes and trikes, dolls and dollhouses.  Every toy you can imagine.  Big cans of paint, every color of the rainbow stand ready.  Shorty gets to work.  After awhile she hears a voice.  “Shorty, Shorty, wake up.  Looks like we both fell asleep in our chairs last night.”  She opens her eyes and sees Pepper standing there.  Sitting up she notices her paws.  They are splattered with paint.   Shorty smiles to hurownself as she heads to the kitchen to start bweakfash

Kitten Quote
“Every dog has his day,
But the nights are reserved for the cats.”

Remember 12 Days of Christmas – A Cat’s Rendition

On the twelfth day of Christmas my human gave to me:
Twelve bags of catnip!
Eleven tarter Pounce treats,
Ten ornaments hanging,
Nine wads of Kleenex,
Eight peacock feathers,
Seven stolen Q-tips,
Six feathered balls,
Four munchy house plants,
Three running faucets,
Two fuzzy mousies,
And a hamste-e-er in a plastic ball!!

Remember the Miss Tiffany Lamp…mommy dosn’t member the whole story behind it, only that it had a curse and changed paws a lot

Kitten Quote
A person who loves cats is someone who can’t say no to the whims and pleasures of their feline friend. Whether by sprinkling catnip, sharing a bit of tuna, or scratching behind the ears, it’s hard to resist the wishes of such a sweet companion!”

Kitten Qupte

“Of all God’s creatures, there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with a cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.”
Mark Twain

Kitten Quote

“While cats are not always successful as performers, they are marvelous trainers of people. In almost no time at all, a cat can teach its owner that a certain flip of the tail means
‘follow me’ as it leads the way to an empty food bowl or to the closed garden door.”
Louis Camuti, DVM, author of All My Patients Are Under the bed
For Peppers Dream that night,33280&key=2003

A Tayul of St. Nicholas
I’m gonna let Perseus tell this story in his own meows, he does it so well
Oh,mrs shorty!
St Nicholas (also known as Sinterclaas) leaves Macedonia by boat. He comes around Spain to Holland and den to here and gets off da boat wid his horsie to go awound to awl da good babykits’ homes. He knows who da dood babykits are cause day have dare sneakfurs or wooden pawkie shoes outside da door wid food for his horsie. After his horsie eats da foodies, St Nicholas refills da sneakfur or wooden pawkie cover wid candy and goodies. When da babykits wake up, day go to da outside and bwing in dare pawkie cobers and gets to curl back up in dare warm beds and eat da candy and pway wid da udder goodies. Sometimes St Nicholas hides da pawkie covers and we gots to find dem. He wights cwoos and puts dem in da pawkie cover to help us.
Didn’t no buddy tell you to puts your sneakfurs outside your door on December 5th before? Dat’s berry sad.
What’s we gonna get dis year? Oh, we just CAN’T wait!

And a Tayul of Black Peter  fwum Gramma Munchie
Shorty, Perseus explained da twadition of St. Nicholas furry well. When mommy was a wittle hoomin, she always got excited when St. Nicholas was supposed to come. She would put her shoosies outside da door and next morning dey wud be filled wiff candy and wittle gifts. It one ob mommies faborite meowmeries ob her childhood. Now dis Knecht Ruprecht character waz a diffurint story. frum what mommy wemembers, Knecht Ruprecht was “Black Peter” in cherman and he was apposed to be St. Nicholas’s helper but only came to da bad children. His clothes was always dirty and full ob soot from al da chimneys. he would bwing a switch wiff him and if da children was bad, dey wud get a switch across da backside instead ob candy and gifts.
Meeheehee, Gramma Munchie said one time when her mommy was furry naughty, Knecht Ruprecht paid her a visit and scared her right out of her underware, meeheehee

Remeber the kitty kitmas songs
santa claws is comming too town
jingly balls
all iys wants fur kitsmass is my too frunt fangs
iy saw mommy whiskerlickin santa claws
do youse meows what iy meows
liddle drummerkit
jingly bells rock
weeze wishes youe a meowie kitsmass
‘osama got runned ober by a raindeer’

Kitten Quote
“Cats always know whether people like or dislike them. They do not always care enough to do anything about it.”
Winifred Carriere

Remember when Gonzo and Willy stole the turkey.  Gonzo kept their mom distracted by trying to steal food from her plate while Willy grabbed the turkey off the counter and dragged it down the hall,  He got it all the way to the bathroom before she realized why Gonzo took off after him so suddenly.

Kitten Quotes courtesy of Poucette Wiscat


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